


Landslides: Without you

by Totallynotawitch



Series: Landslides [3]
Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/M, Fluff, but their are some happy moments, ish, like mainly angst, post season 3 prior to season 4, sunshine twins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:08:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25595554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Totallynotawitch/pseuds/Totallynotawitch
Summary: They're gone. Taken from her in an instant. Iris lives on without the comfort of her mom and her fiance. Something is off with her though, and it might not be the happiest news in the world.
Relationships: Barry Allen/Iris West, Cisco Ramon & Iris West, Cisco Ramon/Cindy Reynolds, Francine West & Iris West, Linda Park & Iris West
Series: Landslides [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1855087
Kudos: 6





	Landslides: Without you

Wake up on the couch. Stretch out all the kinks in my back. Quickly go into our old room to get clothes from the day. Once your clothes are on, go to the bathroom to do your hair, brush your teeth, anything necessary to get ready for the day. Iris repeats this in her head everyday since it happened. 

She’s currently sitting at the kitchen island rubbing her stomach. It’s seven-fifty in the morning. She’s been feeling nauseous lately, and hasn’t been able to keep down any food. She wouldn’t mind it, it’s been a while since she’s been starving, but the others have found out. Now someone, almost always Linda, visits her eight on the dot with breakfast and makes sure she eats it. Iris doesn’t see the point, she’ll puke it up anyways, but nothing has been able to deter her family yet. 

The loft is quiet, and it’s cold. When she’s extremely focused she can still see him in happy memories that feels so real it hurts. In one she’s washing dishes in the sink. She’s happy. Barry suddenly appears in his pajamas and his hair is ruffled. Iris stifles the urge to comb his hair down. He wraps his arms around Iris’s waist. She giggles at him then gasps as he starts kissing at her neck. 

“Jesus.” Iris whispers.

Iris and Barry are gone. 

With them goes the warmth and the happiness. She rubs her eyes and groans. Tears don’t prickle in her eyes. They stopped flowing weeks ago. Iris takes deep breaths. Soon she’s numb again. The clock strikes eight and Linda opens the door to the loft. Iris wonders if she should’ve given Linda a key. Maybe she should move. No, no. Not having this apartment is worse than Linda barging in at odd hours. 

“So he stays after and makes breakfast.” Linda rolls her eyes. “When I woke up and found him still in my apartment, I kicked him out. He was such a bitch about it. Horrible personality, sad since he was good in bed. I got ready, packed up the food and headed over. Is it worth it to settle?”

Iris raises an eyebrow at Linda. She rolls her eyes. “He has a bitchy personality, but great in bed and a good cook.” She points out. Her fork with a bit of food on it is waving around as she talks and Iris wonders why it has fallen off yet. 

“Nah bad in bed but great personality and a good cook or bad cook but great in bed and great personality. You can fix the other two, but if someone’s a bitch they’re going to stay a bitch.”

Linda concedes to Iris’s point. “Anyways, work’s quiet today. We just need to interview two people. A governor trying to pass a health law benefiting lgbtq+ youth and a YouTuber being sued for property destruction. Did you feed McSnurtle?”

“Yup. He’s getting pretty big.”

“Maybe you’re overfeeding him.”

“You’re one to talk.”

Linda glared at Iris. She just arched an eyebrow and smirked lightly. 

“Are you ready to go, Iris?” 

Iris nodded. She grabbed her bag and followed Linda out the door. After about an hour of working, she excused herself to go puke in the bathroom (although she didn’t tell Linda that.) Linda shot a concerned gaze at Iris but didn’t bring it up when Iris walked back in. After lunch, Iris headed out to interview the governor while Linda went to see the problematic YouTuber. 

She hoped she didn’t seem too frazzled when she entered the lobby. The secretary seemed nice and directed her to his office. Governor Yang was a jolly man with wrinkles around his eyes. Iris wondered if that was why Linda wanted her to interview him. Annoyance, maybe anger boiled under her skin. She hated that her family treated her like broken glass. She could eat, even if she puked. She could get up and get to work even if she didn’t want to! She could feel everything!

And,

And

She missed them. 

She- she wanted them back.

She wanted to kiss Barry and have him massage her back and ask her mom what to do when you’re puking up everything and it all hurt. Her breasts, her stomach, her head. She chalked it up to grief and all it entails. Iris is aware that she’s suffering from a mental health disorder, but won’t seek out help for it. 

I’m fine, she tells herself. I can get through this, she repeats like a mantra. They have given up so much for me I can make it another ten hours or so, she reminds herself, even when she just wants to sleep. To sleep means to see Barry and her mom. To sleep means she’s not lonely. Sleep means there’s no pain.

The interview concluded and she typed up the first draft back at the office. Team Flash never alerted her of any disaster so she just headed over for her routine checkup. It was a quiet day, only a few robberies. The metas, even the newly escaped ones were quiet. No one was injured. Wally and Jessie were being taught a card game by Cisco. Julian was joining them. Iris was going to miss him, he was leaving for London in a week. She made him promise to visit. 

“I promise. How could I-” Julian was about to say something when he stopped. Iris was glad he didn’t finish his sentence. She just hugged him. He apologized. She squeezed him harder. 

“I don’t think you’re playing this game right Cisco,” Julian observed. Jesse rolled her eyes while Wally laughed. Iris would’ve joined them, but she felt a migraine coming on. Instead, she silently slipped away intending for no one to see her, but Joe did. 

“Hey baby girl, you ok?” He was in his regular suit and tie for work with a coffee in his hand.

Iris pinched the bridge of her nose. “I’m fine, headache. I think I’m just going to go home.”

Joe furrowed his brows in concern. “Do you need me to drive you?”

“No, it’s ok dad. I got this.” Iris gave her father a quick hug before exiting Star Labs. She drove home and took a nap on the couch. After a few hours she awoke to a pounding headache. Grumbling, she searched for some pain killers. It was empty. Iris debated the pros and cons of going to the pharmacy to get more medicine. With the frequency at which they were occurring, Iris grabbed her keys and went to the store. As she browsed the isles looking for anything she might need, a pregnancy test caught her eye. Iris bit her lip. Her period was late by a few days, and it would explain the nausea and sore… everything. Impulsively she bought a few. Better be safe than sorry she figured. Finding the Advil she added some mint chocolate chip ice cream to her cart before heading to the check-out. 

At home, she took an Advil before grabbing the pregnancy test and heading to the bathroom. When she realized she hadn’t drank anything she went to grab a big water bottle before sitting back on the toilet to see if there was one line or two. 

Outside her apartment was Linda and Cisco They were heading over to Iris’s apartment to check up on her. Joe had mentioned Iris having a headache and it worried them. They decided to pick up some Chinese food and head over to Iris’s place. 

“Linda I’m not spilling the food,” Cisco argued. 

“ I think you are.” Linda fretted. 

“Iris? Hey Iris we’re here!” Linda called as she knocked on the door. No one came for one minute then two. Linda and Cisco shared a concerned look. She pulled out her key and opened the door. Linda went to set her purse down on the counter beside the food Cisco placed. 

“Iris? You there?” Cisco called out. Faint crying could be heard from somewhere in the loft. Linda looked at Cisco alarmed. 

“Iris? Iris, where are you?!” Linda ran around the loft in a panic trying to figure out where the crying was coming from. Cisco picked up McSnurtle and looked for Iris albeit quieter and calmer. He found the two of them crying in the bathroom. Well actually Iris was crying and Linda seemed to be in shock. She was holding Iris against her stomach and absentmindedly running her hand through Iris’s hair. 

Cisco arched an eyebrow at Linda. Horrid, anxiety-ridden thoughts were running through his brain. He was so distracted in his head he didn’t realize any other odd thing in the bathroom. Linda jutted her chin out pointing at something on the ground by Iris’s feet. He put down McSnurtle in the sink to see what Linda was pointing at. Cisco knelt down and picked up a pregnancy test. 

Two lines

Cisco gaped. All the thoughts running around in his head crashed together preventing him from doing anything properly. Just the word pregnant was running wild in his head. “She, you, are pregnant? With a child?!”

“That’s usually what that means, Cisco.” Linda points out drily. She continuously runs her hand through Iris’s hair as she sobs into her stomach. Cisco let the pregnancy test drop and rubbed Iris’s back. He ignored Linda’s jab in favor of comforting Iris. 

“Hey, hey, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?” Iris just looked at him for a moment and it was like his heart shattered. Her big brown eyes so usually filled with light were now filled with tears. Her lower lip wobbled before going back to crying into Linda’s shirt. The three of them stood there semi-quietly for a minute. Nobody quite knew exactly what to say. Soon, the smell of pee was too much to ignore, so Cisco and McSnurtle left the bathroom. Linda helped Iris clean up into something new. Cisco texted Cynthia that he was going to be at Iris’s for a while. She breached over to join him in the apartment. 

“She okay?” Cynthia sat beside Cisco on the couch. She

Cisco was about to say that she was pregnant but figured it wasn’t his secret to tell. Instead, he gave her a tired smile and shook his head. “She’s still grieving. Today’s not a good day.”

Cynthia frowned in sympathy. She quietly ate her pad thai as she listened to Cisco ramble on about his day. Iris and Linda joined them shortly. Together the four of them watched crappy reality tv to numb the pain. 

Iris knew she should be happy. She has a child for crying out loud, but when she gets excited she wants to tell Barry that he’s going to be a father, she wants to run to her mom and ask her how she did it. Then she remembers that she can’t, that she has to do this on her own. She wants to be happy, but what’s there to be happy about?

**Author's Note:**

> Not all women want to be pregnant! I figured while Iris is happy, she seems like someone who wants to be a mom, she wouldn't want to do it alone. She'd want to raise a child with someone, she wouldn't want the child to be parent-less.  
> Also if you don't remember, McSnurtle was a gift to them from HR


End file.
